Stories from the Emergency Room plus answers to your medical and health related questions

News Alert!

Everything Bad For You is Now Good

Great news! All of my former guilty pleasures have turned out to be health foods. Instead of fearing that my addiction to dark chocolate, coffee and red wine is leading me to premature death, I am in fact increasing my life span, and reducing my chance of many horrible diseases. Yes!

Take coffee. I cannot function in the morning until I’ve had a large cup, sometimes two. I’ve always felt bad about this, knowing that I am dependent on the tasty black liquid, and its stimulant effects. My family understands that each morning during the pre-coffee phase, I will be unable to communicate effectively, beyond some basic grunting noises. I shuffle around, scratching and muttering while the beans are grinding and the water is percolating. I have felt badly about this, and I admit I am weak and powerless against the mighty bean. But recent evidence demonstrates that coffee drinkers have lower rates of dementia, parkinsons disease, diabetes, colon cancer, liver disease, and even dental decay! This is the best news ever! It completely justifies my total lack of willpower. I don’t even need to consider quitting coffee. In fact, after reading these studies, I might just increase my daily coffee intake by a cup or two!

As if this wasn’t good enough, another serious weakness has proven instead to be a strength. Dark chocolate, that silky smooth gift from above, is also good for you!

It’s true! Dark chocolate is loaded with anti-oxidants, plant phenols, and epicatechin which improve health and lower blood pressure. Yay! Studies also might have mentioned that moderation is the key to dark chocolate, but I was cramming fistfuls of Lindt truffles in my mouth by the time I read that part, and the article got smeared.

Okay, so by now all of us are thinking this news is too good to be true. Coffee and dark chocolate!? Impossible. But it gets better. As if to prove that God is in fact truly benevolent, my 3rd favorite thing is also healthy. Red wine. Oh yes, red wine is loaded with anti-oxidants, and one glass a day can have a positive effect on cholesterol, blood pressure, prevention of cancer, and heart disease.

So now that everything that used to be bad is good, I can’t help wondering–What’s next? Will researchers discover that Cheetoes make you smarter? Will sitting on the couch watching SportsCenter stop baldness? I’m not sure, but I’m not taking any chances. Sometimes you just can’t afford to wait for the research to happen.

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Corey Haim’s tragic death recently highlighted an epidemic problem our country faces with prescription drugs.  The question I hear repeatedly is “How could a doctor prescribe powerful pain killers and other sedatives to a person who is clearly abusing them?”
Well, the answer is as multifaceted as this unfortunate young actor’s career and life.  Doctors do not want to contribute to an addiction, but when we encounter a patient with chronic pain we find ourselves in murky waters.  In the emergency department, patients frequently ask for pain medications because their chronic pain has “become much worse,” or they reinjured something.  They might complain of an area of new pain, or there may be no available history whatsoever, so the doctor may not know that the patient has chronic pain at all.  When I am unsure  about a patient’s history and whether they are simply “doctor shopping,” for pills, I am faced with the following dilemma:  Do I prescribe pain medications and risk contributing to an addiction, or even a potential overdose?  Or do I deny the medications and risk leaving a patient suffering in pain?  In the short time I have to make this decision, I try to play detective and sort out whether the patient is being truthful with me.  To say that this strains the doctor/patient relationship is a gross understatement.  No physician wants to accuse a patient of dishonesty, and no patient wants to feel that they are being judged.  It is no coincidence that a common complaint among patients is that “the doctor thought I was a drug addict.”
Superimposed on this prickly problem is the fear that the patient will complain to the hospital, or even threaten legal action.  I’ve actually had patients become physically violent when the desired prescription is not forthcoming.  Unfortunately, the prescription drug problem has blossomed during the last 10 years, becoming a daily battle waged in our nation’s emergency departments and doctor’s offices.  Perhaps the one positive result from Corey Haim’s death could be a greater understanding of prescription drug abuse, and the motivation to stop it.

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Let’s face it, everything is funnier in the middle of the night. After about 5 cups of coffee, and no sleep you just get the giggles. On my last night shift, a favorite nursing supervisor was in charge, and I decided to have a little fun. I called her and asked if she knew where to find the Jass clamp.
“The what clamp?” she asked.
“The Jass clamp. J, A, S, S.” I said.
“Well what’s it for?”
“It’s for draining Lar abscesses.” I said. “The full name is Lar Jass clamp.”
“Okay, I’ll see if I can track it down.” she said.
Over the next hour, she searched every corner of the hospital, asking everyone if they had seen the Lar Jass clamp. She finally called me back and reported that she couldn’t find it anywhere.
“Can you slowly repeat what you are looking for?” I asked.
Slowly, she said, “The. Lar. Jass. Clamp.”

I couldn’t help laughing at that point, and understanding finally found her.
“Oh you’re going to get a large ass beatdown.” she said.

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