A middle aged man recently drove to the ER looking to get some medical attention for a rash that he had for over a year. It was a bit unusual to come to the ER for a chronic rash, but I’ve seen stranger things for sure. The timing was stranger still, since it was about 2am. But let’s give him the benefit of the doubt, and assume he was just trying to come in when the ER wasn’t too crowded.
It wasn’t though–pretty much packed and full of cops who were there for a car crash and an assault. This turned out to be bad news for the man with the rash since he was completely drunk. He knew it was bad mojo when he pulled into the parking lot and saw all the squad cars. If his plan was to be inconspicuous, that didn’t work too well, because he drove in the wrong way on a one-way driveway. As calmly as possible, he tried to perform a casual 3-point U-turn. Unfortunately, he ended up on the curb, and nearly hit the ambulance entrance doors. This did not go unnoticed by our boys in blue, and the man was quickly arrested for DUI, his car was impounded, and he was given a notice to appear before the court. At that point, he should have just been glad he wasn’t going to spend the night at county jail, but he was pretty mad. He stomped over to register in the ER and demanded a blood alcohol level, since he “wasn’t even drunk!”
1 hour later and a measured blood alcohol level of 0.25, the man was ready for discharge.
“Well what’s my diagnosis?!” he demanded.
“Looks like you’re drunk, sir.”
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